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Emo Santa

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EmoSanta

“Deck the halls with boughs of hemlock, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu, fu, fu, fu, fu…”

Do you find red to be just too unbearably cheery? Think “Jingle Bells” ought to be remixed as “For Whom the Bell Tolls”?

Well, finally there’s a Santa costume for those who would prefer to be The Un-Jolly Old Elf! Now Goths, death metal artists, and guys who usually dress in jackets featuring Our Lady Of Rude Kustoms can participate in all the traditional joys of the season…in black.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.



Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts!

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10. For the film maven on your list who camped overnight in line at the movie theatre to see the new Evangelion…ANIME EYES SLEEP MASKS

0.AnimeEyemask

When the anime-lover in your life hears herself described as a person who even dreams in CGI, now she can smugly respond, “Like a BOSS!”

9. For the octopus ball lover who just can’t get enough of a good thing…JUMBO DIY TAKOYAKI MAKER

These suckers are a whopping 8 cm (3.2") across!

These suckers are a whopping 8 cm (3.2″) across!

8. For the vampire gourmet…BLOOD TYPE WINE

Give a special treat to all your undead friends this holiday season!

Give a special treat to all your undead friends this holiday season!

7. Make every meal an adventure for the jaded bon vivant on your list with…MANGA PLATES
That THAT, you meddlesome little appetizer!

That THAT, you meddlesome little appetizer!

6. For friends who live anywhere north of the California border…THE MAGIC UMBRELLA
4.Umbrella

A cheering cherry blossom pattern appears when this umbrella gets wet! Your sunshine-challenged friends will thank you every time it rains!

5. For the dog-lover who has everything…THE SHIBA INU COOKING POT

5.InuNabe

So adorable, your friends will want to make Japanese hotpots every night!

4. Even the crankiest techonophobe can’t help but crave a…WOODEN KEYBOARD

6.WoodenKeyboard

Admit it – you bought it for your nearest and dearest, but kept it for yourself, didn’t you?

3. I bet the cat lover on your list doesn’t have a CAT BUTT PENCIL CASE!

8.CatButt

Handy field guide shows the view most often displayed by ever-affectionate felines.

2. Can’t afford a $1000 toilet seat? Give the ASHLET ASHTRAY instead!

9.Ashlet

Yes, it really does put out that butt with a nice little squirt of well-aimed water!

1. And if you have someone who’s absolutely impossible to shop for…THE ELECTRONIC SUTRA-CHANTING MONK

He even shakes his lotus blossom while dispensing blessings near and far!

He even shakes his lotus blossom while dispensing blessings near and far!

Still stuck? Surely someone on your list would love to read a mystery set in Tokyo, right? Gothic Lolitas! Maid cafés! A bar completely filled with Alice In Wonderland action figures! What’s not to like?
And the best part is, if you don't quite get around to doing your shopping until the night before, no worries: a Nightshade ebook can be in their email box in seconds, making you look like you were thinking about the perfect gift MONTHS in advance...

And the best part is, if you don’t quite get around to doing your shopping until the last minute, no worries: a Nightshade ebook can be in their email box in seconds, making you look like you were searching out the perfect gift MONTHS in advance. And because it just came out, you can be sure they haven’t read it yet!

If you actually want to order one of these excellent items, White Rabbit Express can shop for you and send anything you like from Japan.


Various Acts Of Santa Blasphemy

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SantaMan

Santa Man, complete with his own S&M studded mask and oops-I-shouldn’t-have-put-it-in-the-dryer black cape.

SantaLeopard

Red Leopard Santa, GRRRRROWL!

Special Golden Santa. Wonder if you can get a fake daimond-studded grill to go with it...

Special Golden Santa-san! Wonder if you can get a fake diamond-studded grill to complete the look…

SantaManteau

Wat, I don’t even…Black Santa Manteau?! More like The Count Of Monte Claus!

Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for creativity and such, but some things are just W.R.O.N.G.! These line-crossers join the other less-than-trad incarnations in my Japanese Santa Hall Of Fame:  Thong Santa, Scary Santa, Emo Santa, and my perennial favorite, Colonel Santa.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.


All I Want For Christmas Is A Magical Body

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SantaBodyAnd all I need to do to get one is stop by the Shibjuya Loft store and plonk down ¥6000! Magical Socks are apparently included, as an extra bonus.

On the other hand, maybe it would be better to display my Christmas spirit by dressing as a Creamy Tonikai!

SantaTonikai

Tonikai = reindeer. Creamy = uh, let’s not think too much about this strange choice of adjectives or the questionable fashion statement of brown velour fur-trimmed shorts

And if I feel like kicking some serious Xmas butt, there’s always…Tree Cape Girl!

SantaLeprechaunAll available at Loft in Shibuya!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.


Make Mine Princess Style

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KimonoHime

Saw this one at Parco in Shibuya

Just to be contrary, you want to wear a kimono to the shrine on New Year’s Day instead of jeans and a nanopuff jacket, but puh-leeze, not one of those boring styles that make you look like a 1970s tourist souvenir!

All stylin’ princesses know that kimono-hime is the way to go. First, ignore all those tedious seasonal references and go for a kimono emblazoned with…peonies! Pick an obi that has different patterns on each side, so when you tie it, they both show. And about that undercollar: lace, polka dots, anything but white. Add a couple of bows and be sure to wear a pillbox hat with a veil and some lace-up boots, and the kami-sama will be sure to grant you all your hearts’ desires!

Here are a few more shrineworthy styles from the pages of Kimono Hime magazine!

KimonoHime3

Gold lamé high-heeled booties and leopard fur hat: heads will turn.

KimonoHime1

Even I like crows (that scourge of the air) when they’re on this kimono

KimonoHime2

Crimson fox fur? Yes please!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.


The Hottest New Look In…Aprons?

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Aprons

You’re joking, right? Aprons?

Nope, even the venerable Mitsukoshi department store has an extensive apron department. Aprons with ruffles. Aprons with bows. Little black cocktail aprons.

But why?

It wasn’t until I was invited to a friend’s house for a dinner party that I understood. Japanese entertaining has traditionally been done in restaurants, and it’s only recently that it’s become fashionable to throw Western-style dinner parties in one’s mansion apaato. But a Japanese meal is made up of lots of little dishes that must be served freshly made in order to be guest-worthy, so whoever’s doing the cooking (and let’s count on one finger the times out of a hundred that’s the husband) basically never sits down. After each course is served, the hostess disappears into the kitchen to prepare the next one. It’s pointless for the her to buy a new party dress, because all her guests ever see is her, yes, you guessed it, APRON.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.


Tokyo Steampunk!

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Couple

Alice In Wonderland X Jules Verne! Gothic Lolita X Victorian Mourning! Manga X Edwardian Gentleman! In the land where costume is king (and often queen, even if you’re not a woman!), steampunk does not disappoint. The Tokyo Steampunk Society has adopted a time travel motif, which allows anybody who already cosplays to reimagine themselves in a Victorian/Edwardian parallel universe.

This month’s event took place at the Christon Cafe (home of Black Rage of Satan Pizza), and in addition to music mixes by the Decadence Bar DJs, the time traveling menagerie was entertained by Japanese belly dancers, fire jugglers, and even a troupe of Japanese bagpipers, go figure.

But it was the costumes that really boggled! The cosplay culture in Tokyo supports not just one, but dozens of stores catering to DIY costuming, and those who do it are astonishingly professional when it comes to detail. Check out a few of the outfits from Sunday’s gathering!

EdwardianFrock

Don’t look now, but this gentleman is actually a steampunk vampire. He told me he made his costume himself.

AliceMad

The divine Miss Mad, who designs for Clumsy Dandy, brought a twist of Alice and the Mad Hatter with her from Wonderland.

RayTrak

DJ Ray Trak gothic-steampunked down from his usual post at the Decadence Bar in finery so awesome I asked him to come out into the entry so I could get a better picture.

RayTie

Check out Ray’s tie!

CorgiCorgi

The lovely designers from Corgi-Corgi, who make clockwork top hats and floral fantasy steampunk chapeaus. I wish I’d been able to capture the wonderful details of their hats better – the Christon Cafe was really dark, so all my pictures turned out grainy. Check out their blog to see better pix!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. If you want to go to a Tokyo Steampunk Society event the next time you’re in Tokyo, check out their Facebook page for details here.


Puppy Suit

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PuppySuit

You thought I was joking, huh!

Have yet to see hordes of salarymen on my packed morning train sporting this pinstripe plus upside-down puppy motif suit I saw at Laforet, but hope springs eternal!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.



Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Host Fashion

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PrinceYanqi

Fallen Angel readers are asking what it’s really like to go to a host club, so in addition to my usual daily Japan blurbs, I’m writing a series of blog posts on the Top Ten Host Club QuestionsToday’s is:

Why do hosts dress like that?

Hosts aim to deliver the Japanese version of a customer’s secret fantasy, and if yours is to be swept away by a handsome prince or Wild One on his motorcycle, all you have to do is step into any host club to make your dreams come true. Although there are specialized clubs for cosplayers who like anime characters, vampires or gothic aristocrats, at the moment, most hosts dress either in “Prince” (ooji-sama) or “Bad Boy” (yanqi) style.

Ooji-sama hosts take their cue from visual kei musicians. “Beautiful” rather than “handsome” might be the word that springs to mind to describe them. They often strikes Westerners as androgynous, their faces as smooth as a woman’s, hair extravagantly bleached and arranged. Prince-style hosts favor sparkly accessories – silver, never gold – and tend to dress in suits made of “luxe” shiny fabric. The current rage is for the jackets to look a size too small, and to wear some sort of “alternative” tie as an accessory. Fake fur mufflers, silk scarves, cravats and other non-standard neckties are common.

Yanqis, on the other hand, tend toward black leather vests with silver studs and spikes, v-neck t-shirts featuring edgy sayings mixed with (go figure) “Catholic” images, boots, piercings and even tattoos.

Both wear their hair long, extravagantly waxed, teased, sprayed into a perfection rivaled only by the most devoted Texas debutante.

HostHair

This ad for a group of clubs with the same owner shows the wide range of hair colors and styles. Prince-style host hair tends to be lighter and longer; Bad Boy hair is often shorter and dark. All hosts come in to work early so the hair and makeup artist has time to wax, tease, style and spray their hair into perfect shape for the evening ahead. Their combos of industrial-hold hair products ensure that they look as good at midnight as they did when the club opened. Photo: ad from Men’s Spider magazine

HostHairMake

Whether you’re a Prince or a Bad Boy, you can’t afford to have a bad hair day or a pizza face attack. Like being a model or actor, it’s a matter of professional necessity to look as ideal as possible. Hosts often use makeup, glue their eyelids to make their eyes look bigger, and wear colored circle contacts for dramatic effect. Photo: Men’s Spider magazine

HostShoes

Typical Prince shoes on the left, Bad Boy boots on the right. The reason they’re so long and pointy is that Japanese feet tend to be short and wide, but it’s believed that long and narrow is more attractive. In Japanese shoe stores, it’s the biggest size that’s always put out on display, not the smallest!Photos: Rakuten website page for Love Hunter shoes

PrinceYanqi

Princes always dress in suits; Bad Boys dress more casually, often in black shirts, or white v-neck t-shirts under black vests. Photos: Men’s Spider magazine

HostAccessories

Prince on the left, Bad Boy on the right. Prince designs often feature crowns, stars and “nice” crosses, while Bad Boys prefer skulls, swords, demons and crucifixes. All prefer silver to gold. Photo on right: Men’s Spider magazine

Tomorrow’s question: A Day In The Life: What’s it like to be a host?

More from the TOP TEN QUESTIONS ABOUT HOST CLUBS series:

Why do women go to host clubs?

What kind of women go to host clubs?

What’s it like to visit a host club?

How expensive is it to go to a host club?

What is a host club “champagne call”?

Can foreigners get into a host club?

How can I go to a host club?

How do I find a good host club?

A Day In The Life: What’s it like to be a host?

Top photos courtesy of Men’s Knuckle and Men’s Spider magazines.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. 


Maid X Kimono

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MaidKimono

Stop throwing a fit because mom is insisting you wear a kimono to your cousin’s wedding instead of your usual Lolitawear, and get yourself on the express train to Marui One. This maid café X kimono is the perfect way to obey the letter of the law while still maintaining a modicum of personal style!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.  If you want to visit Marui One the next time you’re in Tokyo, directions are on my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had. 


Perfect Summer Kimonos For Guys With Purple Hair

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YukataViceFairy

Glam is not usually a word that comes to mind when describing the traditional summer kimonos known as yukata, but Vice Fairy, my favorite host brand, outdoes themselves again this summer with the shiniest come-hither yukatas ever! Paired with obi belts that look more like scarves gone wild, this season’s offerings are sure to make an appearance on many a “date” this month, as customers invite their favorite hosts to squire them around to the fireworks events happening all over Tokyo in July.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.


Your Lips Say No, But…

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SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA

…when the lights go out, your underwear says YES! Modest Casanovas can let their choners do the talking for them, with this addition to the glow-in-the-dark boxer brief collection from Torio. Now if your Where’s Waldo undies are in the wash, you can still flaunt a pair of fightin’ pants!

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA

These boxers send the message loud and clear, so you don’t have to!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.


The Perfect Barbie Wedding

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BarbieWedPink

This ain’t no bridesmaid dress – in Japan, brides disappear about halfway through the reception and return in a the princess-y gown of their dreams.

After you finally got Kenji to go down on one plastic bendable knee and propose, what could be more perfect than to dress up like Barbie for the wedding? In America girls put away the impossibly-built doll with her wardrobe of rubber shoes long before they get old enough to fill out a lookalike gown, but in Japan the brand has successfully colonized adulthood. Behold Barbie Bridal, with nails to match!

BarbieWedNails

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. Photos from Nail Max magazine.


You’re A Sexy WHAT?

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SkunkWerewolf

What’s a girl to do if she needs a fetching Halloween costume for the company drinkathon, but doesn’t want to show up in the same maid costume all the OLs are wearing or be the only female AKB48 impersonator?

Bunnychan Club costume design to the rescue! The only problem is, it’s so hard to decide – shall I be a Sexy Skunk or a Sexy Werewolf…?

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. Thank you Ageha magazine for this, er, unique idea.


Our Lady Of Gangsta

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GangstaOurLady

I’m a little confused by the golden dreidel on the front, but hey, Our Skeletal Lady Of Golden Gangsta is probably A-OK with whatever faith you’re keeping…

If you’re planning to shake down a few grannies or threaten some loan-shirkers with a Louisville Slugger, don’t leave the house without donning your Blood Money brand track suit! Fashioned from pure 100% shiny synthetic fibers printed with righteous gold vinyl designs, you can’t fail to command respect in these chest-baring togs. Zippers and elastic waist design make for easy on and off when it’s time to wash those pesky body fluids out at laundry time.

In case those dopes out on the street are a little unclear on the concept, this track suit of ultimate suaveness spells it out for them: you are one monster-frackin' hunk of burnin' hustler.

In case those dopes out on the street are a little unclear on the concept, this track suit of ultimate suaveness spells it out for them: you are one monster-frackin’ hunk of burnin’ hustler.

Confuse your adversaries with a little Engrish to show them you mean business.

Confuse your adversaries with a little Engrish to show them you mean business.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. With thanks to Rakuten’s Blood Money website and a tip o’ the beanie to Patrick Macias and his ever-entertaining Japanese Fashion Inferno.



Holy Mother Of…?!

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HolyMother

I’ll see your Our Lady Of Rude Kustoms and raise you a scorpion tattoo! This shining example of Extreme Decorative Engrish goes on to inexplicably include God and France in an unholy existential alliance:

“The God and France think whether exist this world
It might exist if the God and France exist
Really we think that the fact is the world communness”

I’ll take a dozen, one in every color.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.


Hot Snood

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HotSnood

Get yer red hot snoods right here at Tokyu Hands! I always thought a snood was a sort of hairnet thingie, but apparently here in Japan, it’s an electric fake fur stole. And handily, it comes in fake brown or fake white, for all your outfit-matching needs.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. 


2013 Sexy Santa Roundup!

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SantaSexy

Bring on the sequins, lace, and fake fur halter Santas! As long as it’s red and white, anything goes!

Ladies, just because those gold lamé and leopard print Santa costumes are made for men doesn’t mean you can’t play fast and loose with the jolly old elf this Christmas season! The Sexy Santa is a holiday tradition in Japan, and no party would be complete without a few of these beauties in attendance…

SantaWhip

Whip Santa gets those reindeer in line with a little fake fur-trimmed shorts action.

SantaRabbit

Rabbit Santa. Fetching, to be sure. But why.

SantaHolyRabbit

Holy Rabbit Santa. More why, with whipped cream on top.

SantaCandyBolero

And for those forced to participate in the holiday jollies, but who think red and white is not cute enough, the pink and black ruffled Candy Bolero Santa.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.


Alt Kimono

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AltKimono copy

Give granny a heart attack with a Coming-Of-Age kimono that shows as much leg as your old schoolgirl uniform, bares a shoulder and some black-lace-edged cleavage, or cinches everything together with a corset instead of an obi! Last Sunday was the day all 20-year-olds officially become adults, but not everybody donned traditional maidenly garb to celebrate their ability to legally buy booze. Ageha magazine dished up mini-kimonos, deco kimonos, Spanish kimonos and even gangsta kimonos, so devoted Shibuya gals could continue to outrage their parents.

CofAGangster

Rhinestone trim and blood-red lilies for her, blingy golden dragon hakama for him, and badass glitter “tattoos” for all, make a gangsta’s coming-of-age a day to remember.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.


Scary Eyes Made Easy

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ScaryContacts

If you don’t think it’s quite out there enough to have eyes that make you look like a living doll, say hello to this line of definitely unnatural contacts! How about a nice alien look, with Solid White? Or perhaps a touch of psychopath, with Spiral or Manson Red?

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. I saw these for sale at Laforet, Harajuku.


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